Your Failure IS What Qualifies You

“In spirituality we learn far more from getting it wrong than we do by getting it right.” - Richard Rohr

The Story

Last week, I heard some unsettling news.  News, that if I’m honest, is really none of my business.  But, since I genuinely care about those involved, my first response was one of concern.  Some old friends, who I haven’t talked with in a while, are on the verge of making a huge life decision.  They’re getting married.  Under normal circumstances, I’d be happy for them.  But in this case, I’m not.  I’m troubled.  

One of them has just recently gone through (and I’d say, still in the middle of) a pretty painful experience.  It’s still very fresh.  And so, there I am all alone at the breakfast table having this internal conversation… pleading.  

“It’s too soon!  You really need to heal.  You’ve gotta talk this out with someone.  Give it some time.  You need to make sure you’ve recovered from all this stuff.  Can’t either of you (or anyone close to you) see that this can’t possibly have a healthy foundation?  Come on bro, this isn’t wise at this time.”

All the things I want to say but can’t.

The Voice

Then… the voice.  I suspect you know this voice as well.  The response in your internal dialogue that is supposed to be theirs but in reality, is your own.  

“Who are you to say anything or even have an opinion?  Your failures were big.  Epic even.  Your failures were public.  You let people down.  You’ve got nothing to say to them or this situation.”

And with that, my train of thought came to a screeching and deafening halt as my mental engineer threw the switch to full reverse.

I don’t know if what came next was God speaking or just my increasing resistance to this negative self-talk but it was loud and certain.

“My failures don’t disqualify me from speaking into these kinds of situations but instead they actually make me more qualified to speak.”

Let me say it this way…

Your failures don’t disqualify you from speaking into people’s lives.  Instead, they actually have the potential to become the most powerful ingredients of your qualifications.  It may take time, but you begin to speak with more, not less, authority.  You begin to draw from something deeper.

Again, I’ll quote from Richard Rohr in Falling Upward: ”In spirituality we learn far more from getting it wrong than we do by getting it right.”

After all, what is more common to humanity than gross sin and epic failure?  What’s more universal than deep pain and struggle?  

Grace to Speak

When we allow grace from God and grace from others to heal us deeply, we actually become more equipped to speak to those walking through similar situations.  Don’t run from your ability and responsibility to help others simply because you are insecure.  People know your junk or maybe it’s just that you do.  Either way, get over it.  

If (and that’s a big “if”) you’ve healed, grown, and recovered from your darkest moments, then allow God to use you as opportunity comes your way.

Who Me?  A Second Chance? “You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.”                    - Edwin Louis Cole If you follow me on Twitter or are a regular reader here at DNSLNS.com, then you know I’m a big fan of People of the Second Chance.  Right now, they’re in the middle of a series asking the question “Who Would You Give a Second Chance?” POTSC is launching the NEVER BEYOND Poster Series: 25 posters representing well known historical, current and fictional characters who are believed to have harmed society. This campaign consists of digital and print posters and the full collection will eventually be displayed as a touring art exhibit. Grace is Provocative With figures like Casey Anthony, Mike Tyson, Darth Vader, and a KKK Klansman, it’s provocative to say the least.  But, I don’t think it’s provocative because of the people they’re choosing to highlight.  It’s provocative because radical grace itself is provocative. I’m reminded of a quote from Philip Yancey’s What’s So Amazing About Grace?:  “Who does God love more?  The murdered or the murderer?” I know, I know.  All this talk about grace leads to a watered-down, soft-on-sin, easy gospel.  But was Jesus “hard on sin” here?  Or here or here or here or here or here? Radical grace is provocative.  It isn’t “fair”.  At times, it’s even disturbing.  I’ve been the recipient of incredible grace from God as expressed though the people around me.  Because of this, I do a pretty good job extending it to others.  “Letting things go” tends to come naturally for me.  I take no credit for it.  I think it’s just part of my disposition and personality.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have my flare-up moments where I want to thump someone but it tends to subside pretty quickly. What about me? The one person I have a hard time forgiving is… me.  It doesn’t come naturally.  My internal dialogue sometimes gets the best of me.  I replay my failures over in my head.  In insecurity, I meander about, “hearing” what other people are saying or thinking.   “Who does he think he is?” “He’s not ready to lead.” “Did you hear about…?” “He could have done so much. But…” Can you relate to these negative voices inside?  How much time, energy, and potential have been wasted by looking in the rearview mirror of guilt?  How many missed opportunities? Hidden Sins When you’re the only one that knows your vices, you’re in a dangerous place.  It’s much easier to wallow in the mud of self-pity, depression, and guilt.  It also becomes a cycle of your worst self-fulfilling prophecies.  You turn to the very thing you’re guilty of, making it that much harder to forgive yourself and move on.  You’ve got to have a few people that know your darkest shadows.  That’s not easy especially in our modern church culture.  We’re programmed to hold it all together and fall in line.  So we smile, keep secrets and slowly die a death of a thousand cuts.  Cast that dysfunction off.  Take a leap of trust and let it out.  That’s the only way to disarm guilt.  It’s called confession.  The Apostle John talks about it here. Toxic Voices Toxic voices are another thing that keep us from forgiving ourselves.  When you’re surrounded by people who keep reminding you of your failures, it’s time to set some boundaries.  Several years ago, Maria and I chose to temporarily move across the Atlantic to Northern Ireland at the offering of some great friends.  One of the primary factors in this decision was to set some real boundaries and insulate ourselves from some voices that weren’t the most objective in their perspective.  It was difficult.  But in doing so, we found a respite from the storm without the cacophony of voices muddying the waters. When we returned, we also found those relationships healthier with more appropriate boundaries in tact.  I’m not suggesting a continental move but you may have to shut out some toxic voices and surround yourself with people who give you permission to forgive yourself and move on. Stare the Mountain in the Face When we talk about forgiveness, we’re not talking about acting as if no offense occurred.  I think that’s one of the reasons radical grace is so tough for people.  There’s a false implication that forgiveness means avoiding the validity and impact of someone’s wrongdoing.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Forgiveness is making an exact accounting of the pain, impact, consequence, and effect of the wrongdoing… and letting it go.  It’s staring the mountain of debt in the face and releasing that person from what they owe you. It’s no different when facing the mountain of your own making.  Stare the mountain in the face.  Admit the wrong.  Face it head on.  Make an accounting of the effects on others, yourself, and the direction your life is now heading.  Do your best to make it right.  Then release yourself from the debt and move on… or at least move forward in the grace God extends. The best gift you can give to your spouse, kids, friends, and even the world at large… is a better you.  Part of that better you comes from embracing a clean slate.  Grace means a new start.  It means picking up from where you are.  Do it today. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.                    - Lamentations 3:21-23
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Who Me?  A Second Chance?

“You don’t drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there.”
                    - Edwin Louis Cole

If you follow me on Twitter or are a regular reader here at DNSLNS.com, then you know I’m a big fan of People of the Second Chance.  Right now, they’re in the middle of a series asking the question “Who Would You Give a Second Chance?”

POTSC is launching the NEVER BEYOND Poster Series: 25 posters representing well known historical, current and fictional characters who are believed to have harmed society. This campaign consists of digital and print posters and the full collection will eventually be displayed as a touring art exhibit.

Grace is Provocative

With figures like Casey Anthony, Mike Tyson, Darth Vader, and a KKK Klansman, it’s provocative to say the least.  But, I don’t think it’s provocative because of the people they’re choosing to highlight.  It’s provocative because radical grace itself is provocative.

I’m reminded of a quote from Philip Yancey’s What’s So Amazing About Grace?:  “Who does God love more?  The murdered or the murderer?”

I know, I know.  All this talk about grace leads to a watered-down, soft-on-sin, easy gospel.  But was Jesus “hard on sin” here?  Or here or here or here or here or here?

Radical grace is provocative.  It isn’t “fair”.  At times, it’s even disturbing. 

I’ve been the recipient of incredible grace from God as expressed though the people around me.  Because of this, I do a pretty good job extending it to others.  “Letting things go” tends to come naturally for me.  I take no credit for it.  I think it’s just part of my disposition and personality.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have my flare-up moments where I want to thump someone but it tends to subside pretty quickly.

What about me?

The one person I have a hard time forgiving is… me.  It doesn’t come naturally.  My internal dialogue sometimes gets the best of me.  I replay my failures over in my head.  In insecurity, I meander about, “hearing” what other people are saying or thinking.  

  • “Who does he think he is?”
  • “He’s not ready to lead.”
  • “Did you hear about…?”
  • “He could have done so much. But…”

Can you relate to these negative voices inside?  How much time, energy, and potential have been wasted by looking in the rearview mirror of guilt?  How many missed opportunities?

Hidden Sins

When you’re the only one that knows your vices, you’re in a dangerous place.  It’s much easier to wallow in the mud of self-pity, depression, and guilt.  It also becomes a cycle of your worst self-fulfilling prophecies.  You turn to the very thing you’re guilty of, making it that much harder to forgive yourself and move on. 

You’ve got to have a few people that know your darkest shadows.  That’s not easy especially in our modern church culture.  We’re programmed to hold it all together and fall in line.  So we smile, keep secrets and slowly die a death of a thousand cuts.  Cast that dysfunction off.  Take a leap of trust and let it out.  That’s the only way to disarm guilt.  It’s called confession.  The Apostle John talks about it here.

Toxic Voices

Toxic voices are another thing that keep us from forgiving ourselves.  When you’re surrounded by people who keep reminding you of your failures, it’s time to set some boundaries.  Several years ago, Maria and I chose to temporarily move across the Atlantic to Northern Ireland at the offering of some great friends.  One of the primary factors in this decision was to set some real boundaries and insulate ourselves from some voices that weren’t the most objective in their perspective.  It was difficult.  But in doing so, we found a respite from the storm without the cacophony of voices muddying the waters.

When we returned, we also found those relationships healthier with more appropriate boundaries in tact.  I’m not suggesting a continental move but you may have to shut out some toxic voices and surround yourself with people who give you permission to forgive yourself and move on.

Stare the Mountain in the Face

When we talk about forgiveness, we’re not talking about acting as if no offense occurred.  I think that’s one of the reasons radical grace is so tough for people.  There’s a false implication that forgiveness means avoiding the validity and impact of someone’s wrongdoing.  Nothing could be further from the truth. 

Forgiveness is making an exact accounting of the pain, impact, consequence, and effect of the wrongdoing… and letting it go.  It’s staring the mountain of debt in the face and releasing that person from what they owe you.

It’s no different when facing the mountain of your own making.  Stare the mountain in the face.  Admit the wrong.  Face it head on.  Make an accounting of the effects on others, yourself, and the direction your life is now heading.  Do your best to make it right.  Then release yourself from the debt and move on… or at least move forward in the grace God extends.

The best gift you can give to your spouse, kids, friends, and even the world at large… is a better you.  Part of that better you comes from embracing a clean slate.  Grace means a new start.  It means picking up from where you are.  Do it today.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
                    - Lamentations 3:21-23
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Never Beyond Poster Series

POTSC is launching the NEVER BEYOND Poster Series: 25 posters representing well known historical, current and fictional characters who are believed to have harmed society. This campaign consists of digital and print posters and the full collection will eventually be displayed as a touring art exhibit.

The campaign draws out themes of forgiveness, grace and what a pathway to a second chance looks like.

People of the Second Chance: Emmanuel’s Story

It’s a few months old, but here’s a vid by my buddy TK for one of my favorite sites. Good stuff.